Bitch Salad for Christmas!

You’ve probably never heard of Bitch Salad, and if that’s the case, then pay attention. Bitch Salad is a Canadian comedy event that happens a few times a year intended to highlight the funniest sh*t ever, stand-up comedy, song parodies, and gay hosts included. Hosted by Andrew Johnston of Much Music Love Court fame, the show was a complete success for an intimate crowd, yet the house was fully packed (and over-packed) house of hammered white-folk.

The night started off with four talented comediennes intertwined with Johnston’s incredibly sexy renditions of the most popular holiday songs. Allyson Smith, Katherine Ryan, Alana Johnston, and Laura Cilevitz all gave terrific stand-up performances, mostly revolving around sex, but occasionally throwing in something less raunchy (although what fun is that)?! The headliners of the show were the Cheeto Girls. Yep, Cheeto. As in the simulated cheese-product puff “pastry”. I’m using the term pastry extremely loosely.

The comedy troupe that is the Cheeto Girls is made up of Brie Brie Price, Mozza Fierce, and Velveeta Von Cheese. Real names, foo. They “sang” their Top-40 hits Spermanizer, Party in the GTA, and F-A-T (to the tune of Britney’s 3). The songs were thoroughly enjoyed by the crowd, and adding to the show the fact that Velveeta exited the stage only to return with a fiery bosom a la Lady GaGa, the crowd went nuts!

I had the tremendous opportunity to stand beside an old payphone in the basement of a run-down performance hall to chat with Dini Dimakos, also known as Brie Brie Price, about her career with Much Music, her parents, and having children (sort of).

Eggplante: So you come from a traditional Greek family?

Dini Dimakos: Yes, I worked in a restaurant since I was six. I was the hostess, dishwasher, everything.

E: So when you said you were going to be a comedienne, was it disappointment, was it..?

D: Well they were like, “Do comediennes make babies? ‘Cause if so, then fine. Do they get married and make babies?” And I’m like, not really right away. They wanted me to be like a teacher. And I hate teaching! I’m not a good teacher; I have no patience. They didn’t get it. My dad came to my first show and was like “This is where you perform? This is a hold in the ground! This is a dive!”, and this was like the nicest place; it was a banquet hall or something.

[Insane laughter on my part]

E: So how did the Much Music thing start?

D: There was a show called L-O-L and they wanted people to do stand-up about celebrities, and that is just my bag. Luckily, they called me for that, and that lead to Video on Trial, so now it’s been five years of that, then we did Stars Gone Wild for a season. Because you can’t really make fun of Paris Hilton for more than a season.

E: Britney Spears you can. Although she’s normal now.

D: She’s normal now! She’s boring! All we have is Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus, and Noah Cyrus, her little sister that’s a stripper. So they’re fair game, but as for Paris, she is also boring. So anyways, Love Court we shot this Summer. I basically live to just make fun of people.

E: And it’s working for you! So you’re getting recognized on the street now, is that weird?

D: It’s nice. People recognize my voice ’cause I have a really nasally annoying voice. It would make people’s pants vibrate to hear my voice. People are like “I know that voice!” and then they’re like “Oh you’re the girl from Much Music!” so it bodes well for me. I don’t mind having a memorable voice.

[At this point, talk turned to comedic influences and growing up with Saturday Night Live, so keep reading!]

D: You know who influences me is Adam Sandler. Remember on SNL when he was Operaman? He used to do everything in opera or when he’d be crazy candybar hand? I just loved how he did all that stuff and I lived for SNL in those days, so definitely that effects my delivery.

E: Where does it go from here?

D: Obviously, the next thing would be hosting the Oscars.

E: Oh, no, but besides the obvious.

D: Well, the next thing is for Cheeto Girls to be the next Weird Al. We’re really hoping to record albums and put our music out there. We’re really into making the song parodies funny. As long as we have that and we add in all the nooks and crannies for those performances, that’ll be great.

E: Wow, I promise you I will never ever interview another comedian because the entire thing will be laugh track! Thanks so much!

D: Absolutely! By the way, I really wanted to say that I love your khakis and argyle sweater and I’m glad your mom put that together for you! I just wanted to give a shout out to your mom and say “Bravo”!

And that is certainly not all; check out the audio for some more snippets and how everything actually went down! I wish the photos from the show were a bit better than they actually turned out, but I really encourage you to check out Bitch Salad for the next show. Expect some very funny things in the New Year from them and keep your eyes peeled to for all the details about their upcoming events! The best way to keep track is with our Twitter page and Facebook profile. The audio can be downloaded HERE (2.9MB).