Kanye West is not a Man. But Lady GaGa is.

I am going to preface this with something very important for you completists: I fell asleep halfway through the show, so here is my rundown of half the performances and main events of the MTV Video Music Awards 2009! Oh, this also assumes that you saw or heard about it in a vague sense, at least.

First off, What The Fuck was Lady Gaga wearing. I’ll be the first to admit that I thought GaGa’s style was unique and pretty freakin’ awesome. I mean, no one was actually supposed to leave the French catwalks with those outfits, but she had the balls to do it. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have said Lady GaGa has balls. Oh, nevermind.

GaGa’s performance was absolutely ridiculous to the point that made me finally realize she is either extremely talented (likely) or slightly insane (more likely). Her music is incredibly catchy, but she’s just plain weird. The performance itself made no sense, the blood came from nowhere, and she is simply overdone at this point. Goodnight GaGa.

I thought the stage band playing covers was a quite unique rendition on the elevator music they usually pump out between commercials at these shows. It added a nice original touch to the event, which could certainly use it considering it’s always held at the same venue and Kanye always manages to blow up at these things.

Oh, right. Kanye. I’m not going to speak much about the fiasco, but I will say that he is just looking for attention. Now that he did what he wanted to for publicity, deny him the joy and stop talking about it! I won’t help an idiot attention whore who thinks he’s doing a righteous thing. I just hope Beyonce doesn’t get caught up in the whole thing, because she was clearly genuinely taken aback by the entire ordeal and had nothing to do with it. It’s disgusting to think that he couldn’t give a newcomer her time to shine. Kanye West is not a man. Lucky for him, GaGa can take up the slack. (Wow, two hermaphrodite jokes in one article? Roll, people!)

Taylor Lautner walked out with Shakira and while she looked STUNNING, he looked kind of, well, duuhhhhhhhh….. Not really a people person, I don’t think; shy, introverted, and very awkward on stage.

Okay, back to Beyonce for a wrap-up. Breasts. She’s got a great set. One of her songs has the lyrics “To infinity and beyond” in it. Rather than make a Toy Story reference, I will just simply say that her breasts are out of this world. Jaw drop.

From what I saw, I guess it’s fair to say that I wasn’t really impressed. Perhaps I am simply more apt to be negative about these kinds of events, for whatever reason I choose. But you really need to do something original to get attention nowadays, and for me, it just isn’t working. Oh and I don’t mean Kanye-original. Although one could argue that breasts aren’t all that original but hell, they still work.